I have been away from my computer for sometime.  I broke my laptop.  I have really missed writing.  I didn’t realize how healing it is for me, until I stopped.  I have so much to get off my chest.

First, life around here has been wonderful.  Lydia has had so many firsts:

  • First time to the grocery store
  • First time to go swimming
  • First time to walk unassisted across the room
  • First time to play in the front yard in the grass
  • First play dates with preschoolers

I have been overwhelmed with joy of her new experiences.  As our whole family has been able to do more things, I have been overwhelmed with emotion and grief as well.  I am so thankful for the Lord to have brought us so far.  He is continuing to hold us up.

I snapped at a lady at the grocery store on our second trip.  She was making eyes at Lydia and telling me how sleepy she looked.  Honestly, I was so sick of people seeing her as “sleepy”, because truthfully, I wonder if she is feeling well when she is “sleepy”.  She had a good nap that particular afternoon, and I snapped “she’s recovering from leukemia”.  I was able to keep the waterworks from busting at the seams, but it was hard.

I don’t understand why I am filled with so much grief right now…at a time of such thanksgiving.  I think it is because we are entering a new stage of life, but it is not as I had hoped for my children.  Please pray that we feel freedom where we are right now.

So this is not the post I really wanted to share, but it is from the heart.