According to Murphy’s Law, if you have a perfectly normal appointment with your new neurosurgeon on Tuesday, then on Wednesday you fall off the bed face first.   Well, that is exactly what happened to Lydia.  Yesterday at her appointment her CT scan showed that her shunt was still doing its job and that everything looked good.  Then this morning…thud.  Yes, I left her asleep in my bed to get ready for the day.  She was ok, but the mommy guilt…ooh, it was something fierce.  Thankfully, today was her scheduled clinic day.  I spoke with Dr. Cook right after the incident and Lydia, thankfully, did not have any brain injury/concussion like symptoms, just a bruise under her bangs.

As far as the mommy guilt goes – AGHHH!  Everything else that Lydia has gone through has been no ones fault, just part of life.  But even still, guilt wants to come into play.  I have had to rebuke it and give it to God, but today it was my fault.  I mean, I was careless.  I still think of her as my sick baby that I always carry and stays still.  That is not Lydia anymore.  Praise God!  She is on the move.  She is fast.  Everyday is a new adventure.  The guilt that I felt was real, but something to be learned from, not to eat me up.  I am so thankful that with God there is ALWAYS more grace. 

Lydia’s appointment went well today at clinic as well.  Her counts were normal!  As normal as any healthy kid.  I was shocked.  They have been creeping towards normalcy, but wow!  She still has an underlying low immune system.  This does not show up on a typical CBC.  She still has one immune compromising drug.  Seattle says that she won’t have a newborn’s immune system until May, but it is looking great!  If all goes well, we don’t have to go back to clinic for 4 weeks!

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