All I can say is “Wow”.  Today was an interesting day.  It started out with clinic, which all went well.  Lydia’s central line (for drawing blood) has been not working properly again, but with much patience and positioning of Lydia, the labs were able to be drawn.  Her counts continue to look great.  She hasn’t needed a transfusion in weeks, thanks to her new bone marrow doing its job.  Her red blood cells and platelets are still lower than normal, but are either crawling higher or hanging out in a safe range.  Our doctor is just so pleased with how well Miss Lydia is doing.  She called this the honeymoon period for the GVHD (graft verses host disease).  It is responding very well to the meds and as they are tapered down, we will see if there are any flare ups.  Hopefully, the honeymoon will not be over!

So after such a nice morning, I got to the Ronald McDonald House and started organizing some papers (not my strong suit).  I ran across a document written by the PICU doctor back home, upon diagnosis in November of 2007.  As I read all of the facts that I had heard a gazillion times, and really remembered diagnosis, I burst into tears.  

I have already processed the fact that Lydia had almost died…and treatment to get her well, I don’t know that I had really processed what the cancer really looked like and tried to change my baby.  I don’t know if any of this makes sense.  The counts just ring in my ear…White blood cells – 846,000, Platelets – 15,000, and Red blood cells –  too few to register on a CBC.  If you don’t know what any of these numbers mean, thats ok, I didn’t either.  Now I know, too well that there is no reason that Lydia should even be alive.  I was told that it was a long shot on that awful night, but I knew that God was in control…no matter what.  Lydia was His on earth or in heaven.  That was my focus, not numbers…and I am so glad.

How strange to grieve for my baby during such a triumph.  Why is God healing her.  Who knows?  But she is His.  He can take her home whenever He chooses.  He will one day and oh to be in His glory.  But until then, I just pray that we can glorify Him in all that we do.

I want to be refined.  I want to reflect His image.  He has shown me so much of Himself through this process, but I have SOOO much more to learn.  

Soon, I hope to add a Verses tab at the top.  They will include Bible Verses that I clung to during this season.  One of my favorites is a Psalm – I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  – Psalm 4:8.  And that is what I am going to do right now.  

Pleasant dreams to you all,

Liz

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