Sometimes I get to caught up in expectations of life.  I have done this since I can remember.  Sometimes my expectations end in disappointment and sometimes they are filled with contentment. 

During the last two weeks, I have realized that I was pretty much living on expectations…When certain tests were going to be performed, what would happen during them, how Lydia would perform.  I had an idea of what was expected at any particular time and if anything diverged from “the plan” I was at my limit.  I have never been stretched in my life.  I felt like the finish line was in view and anything that wasn’t in my tunnel, messed up the whole plan.  I didn’t even realize what I was doing or why I was SO stressed until an anesthesiologist diagnosed me.  Funny, huh?  I am glad that doctors and nurses take such good care of the parents too.

After I became aware of being focused on my expectations, I realized that I wasn’t living for HOPE.  Hope and expectations are such different things.  Hope puts things in perspective.  Hope in Christ which includes His trustworthiness, being incharge, being loving, being who He says He is.  This hope includes His awareness of the desires of my heart. 

So all this said, I was listening to some music this afternoon and have a new themesong for the day.  It comes from Van Morrison’s albumn Tupelo Honey.  The song is called “(Straight to your Heart) Like a Cannonball”.  It is a fun and lighthearted song about waiting for the sun to shine.  It just reminds me that tough stuff happens, but to think outside of myself.  God speaks to me through Van often, I just love that.

Today Lydia and I left the hospital for the first time since she was admitted!  We left on a two hour pass.  It was the best two hours in weeks.  We walked over to the Ronald McDonald house and played with my gorgeous sons!  Lydia and the boys were elated.  I am hopeful that we may be able to spend more time “home” soon, but for now I will cherish what I have.

 

Advertisements