Day 5

My fear going into transplant was that it would feel like taking a step into the ocean, then immediately overtaken by a ginormous wave and pulled under by the undertow.  So far that hasn’t been the case.  Day by day, Lydia has felt the effects of the process stronger.  She is still doing so well.  She gets out of bed and plays quite a bit.  She still smiles and laughs.  The mucusitis has not come full on yet.  She has developed some crud in the back of her throat that she is strong enough to clear by herself.  This, too, was expected to be full blown by now, but thankfully has held off.

What hasn’t held off is her fluids.  She is completely maxed out on fluids.  I have never seen her so puffy.  She has gained 3 1/2 pounds in two weeks.  She is on lasix, but she can’t receive as much as the Dr. Dallas would like to give her, because her blood pressure is too low.  She is being weighed twice a day and having her blood pressure monitored like crazy.  She received a blood transfusion today to hopefully help the fluids gather where they are suppose to be, so that she can dispose of them.  The fluid overload is making her breath more rapidly, though her lungs are still clear.  Dr. Dallas told me that there was a medication that Lydia could be given in the PICU that could help as a last resort.  She also said that this could be a problem for the next few weeks, until the new bone marrow started engrafting.

Once again, Lydia is peaceful in the midst of adversity.  I, on the other hand, not so much.  I am so thankful that she is doing so well, but I am scared of what is to come.  I surrendered to God, my worst fears prior to transplant.  God took the fear from me and I never grabbed it back, until this new phase.  I am having problems living in the moment…treasuring what is in front of me.  All I see are unknown possibilities.  I don’t want her to hurt…and right now she isn’t.  Praise God for that.  I read a verse of encouragement, that a friend of mine wrote about, that has helped me out over the course of Lydia’s treatment.  “When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!” Psalm 84:6 

So here are my prayer requests.  Lydia’s complete healing.  Specifically for today, her fluids to even out, her breathing to be normalized (as I write this post she is being put on an O2 blow-by while she sleeps).  Her organs to work properly.  The organs at greatest risk now are kidneys, liver, and lungs.  God is so much bigger than cancer, transplant, and anything that she is going through.  I know this, pray that I would give God my fear as we walk through this fire.  Also please pray for Elijah Carlson’s family.  He passed away this afternoon, peacefully into our Father’s arms.   

Thank you for your prayers and notes.